It is common knowledge that Oprah Winfrey is the most powerful woman on the planet. And the second most powerful human, trailing only Facebook creator Mark Zuckerberg. And the third most powerful creature or entity, behind Zuckerberg and Godzilla.
For God’s sake, the woman launched her own television network last month! (By the way, Saturday Night Live creator Lorne Michaels is featured on Oprah Presents Master Class, and it is must-see-TV.) Oprah’s channel should provide a tidy little nest egg for her after she closes up shop on her critically-acclaimed talk show in September, which has aired in every country on Earth for 25 years, as well as the other eight planets in the solar system and 48 of the 63 moons orbiting Jupiter.
(A handful of reputed scientists suggest that Pluto was actually kicked to the galactic curb because it refused to carry Oprah, calling the program “overrated and self-indulgent.” Clearly, that was a poor choice.)
Did I mention that her new television network is called OWN?
So Oprah is crazy wealthy and all-powerful, and by all accounts a generous philanthropist and dignified humanitarian. Hell, I professed my love for the woman back on World Gratitude Day, and I’m sticking to it. She’s the real deal.
What few people realize, though, is how versatile Oprah is. For instance, did you know that she narrated the 11-part Life series which aired on Discovery Channel last year? For those unfamiliar with this program, you are missing out. Just ask Perpetual Motion, our 5-year old resident biologist. We have the entire series recorded on DVR, and he has watched each episode to the point of verbatim memorization.
A few days ago, as P Motion was watching the “Amphibians and Reptiles” episode (again), a segment came on showing incredible footage of an unbelievably tiny toad.
“How much does that toad weigh?” I asked from the kitchen.
“Dad, he said that toad weighs less than a paper clip,” replied P Motion, a bit disgustedly, clicking the quick review button on the DVR remote as proof (sadly, all of our children are capable of that).
“Who is ‘he?’” inquired Kick Ass Wife, who was sitting at the table.
“The guy who is talking on TV,” said P Motion.
“Honey, that’s not a he. It’s a she.”
“No it isn’t. It’s a boy’s voice.”
Besides always moving (you could get motion sickness watching him watch television) and being smart as a whip, P Motion can also be a bit stubborn (not unlike COUGH COUGH his COUGH mother COUGH COUGH). This had the potential to get interesting.
“The person talking on the television is a woman, Reed.”
“How do you know?” The classic kid question. P Motion hit the quick review again, giving his mom a chance to clear up her gender misconceptions.
Kick Ass Wife, through only slightly clenched teeth and in a voice a few decibels below the kids-out-of-bed-for-the-fifth-time roar, said, “I…just…know.”
P Motion watched and listened again. “No. That’s a boy voice.”
“Reed, the person talking on TV is a woman named Oprah Winfrey! She has a talk show and she is probably one of the richest people in the world!” (I was going to add that she has her own television network, as well, but it didn’t seem that important at the time.)
P Motion kind of shrugged and continued watching television, seemingly waving the white flag. Or maybe not.
“Did she get rich because she can talk like a boy?”
Little-known fact: Oprah built at least part of her empire by doing male voice-over work for award-winning nature documentaries.
*Image courtesy of www.oprah.com.
(Any memorable “discussions” with your kids lately? Have you watched OWN yet? Do you think that if Oprah and Mark Zuckerberg teamed up, they could take Godzilla?)