The “Raised-by-a-Pack-of-Rabid-Wolves” hairstyle is totally in right now. I see nothing wrong with this.
Kick Ass Wife has been dropping subtle hints as of late suggesting that I should learn how to fix The 3-Year-Old Girl’s hair.
The type of subtle hints where she is in an entirely different zip code of the house but I can still just make out her conversation with our daughter because she is speaking at approximately the same decibel level that two construction workers operating jackhammers on opposite ends of a busy city block might use when talking to one another.
“WOULDN’T THAT BE SPECIAL IF DADDY LEARNED TO FIX YOUR HAIR?” she’ll yell to The Hellcat, who is sitting cross-legged in her lap, fingers planted firmly in her ears protecting her eardrums.
Or “(NAME OF GIRL)’S DADDY FIXES HER HAIR. HE MUST REALLY LOVE HER. I BET HE’LL GO TO HEAVEN SOMEDAY. DON’T YOU WANT YOUR DADDY TO GO TO HEAVEN?”
The fact that KAW is even entertaining the idea of me making stylistic choices with anyone’s hair, much less our darling, lovely-locked 3-year-old girl, suggests pretty poor judgement on her part, and may even lead an outside observer to wonder whether she might be legally blind. I don’t even have hair, and fixing the minimal amount I do possess basically consists of waking up each morning and getting out of bed. That’s been the style I’ve rocked for about the last five or six years (I’m sure it’s only coincidental that my hair loss has paralleled the successive births of our four children.)
Oh, and by the way, I fix all three of the boys’ hair. Does she think they put those ball caps on themselves?
Okay, technically they do put the ball caps on themselves, but not without some pretty strong prompting from me. Sometimes I even have to look for the ball caps so they can put them on.
If I am already fixing two-thirds of the six hairstyles in our family, do I need to learn how to do the girl’s, too? What’s next, fixing Kick Ass Wife’s hair, as well? So much for that idea of shared responsibilities amongst parents.
My unappreciated masterpiece.
But this past weekend I finally gave in, worn down by the badgering (and concerned about the effect of KAW’s “hints” on The Hellcat’s long-term hearing). I fixed The 3-Year Old Girl’s hair.
Well, actually I accessorized it; gave it that pop. KAW had already braided it in some intricate manner that only looked possible if you have three opposable thumbs, but I did make it look better.
The kids and I were out in the backyard when The Hellcat, helpful as always, did some gardening for us, plucking the blooms off of several flowers. I figured it would be a shame to waste them, so I delicately crammed them into her hair.
“Alright, go show Mom that Daddy fixed your hair.”
After about ten minutes, she came back, no blooms gracing her precious little melon.
“What happened? Did you show Mommy your hair?” I asked.
“Yeah. She said you should find the boys’ hats.”
Hey, I tried.
Love it! My favorite part, though, is your wife’s comment about the other Daddy going to Heaven. She’s good. So, I truly am not leaving this comment to talk about my blog but my most recent post has pictures of my beautiful daughter’s mullet. That was on Daddy’s watch. It will only reinforce your wife keeping you on hat duty!
Looking forward to more,
Amy
I don’t think a person can go wrong with a mullet at any age. I can’t wait to see your daughters. Thanks, Amy.
I think you did a lovely job on your daughter’s hair…the flowers were a nice touch…
Actually, Jim does all the hair in our house (with the exception of mine). He grooms the dog, and has helped some of the girls apply hair dye (he’s even cut their hair once or twice). He took the clippers to his own head a few weeks ago, fed up with the hot weather.
Jim also handles the nursing duties (his mom was a nurse)…tonight he removed a splinter from our youngest’s hand. He’s a better “mommy” than I am…
Wendy
Jim sounds like a pretty versatile guy. I’m particularly impressed with the hair dying. No matter what, though, the kids always know who Mommy is when they really need her. I always appreciate your comments, Wendy. Take care. Chase
Hi Chase:
I’m updating the links on my Blogroll…wondering if it’s okay to add yours? I love your blog, and I think my friends will too!
Wendy
That would be great, Wendy. I’d be honored.
Take care,
Chase
I am convinced my husband takes a similar tactic on the dishwasher. If he never loads it correctly, I’ll never make him do it. He made the mistake of letting me know he could cook.
Kyra’s hair isn’t long enough yet, but I wonder if he’ll take a similar stance.
I love her tactics. I don’t recognize them. Nope. Not at all.
Great storytelling, per usual!
Doing something so poorly that you aren’t asked to do it again is a vital life skill. I’m sure I’ll break down on the hair thing at some point and I’ll probably love fixing her hair. Just not now. She won’t sit still. Too many variables for a novice. Thanks for reading, Kelly.
I truly laughed out loud at this post. I recently found your blog and we are living parallel lives. We have 3 boys and 1 girl as well and our home sounds remarkably similar to how you describe yours. One difference with respect to hair… I keep our only daughter’s hair very short so she can get the wet comb treatment right along with her brothers. She’s 5 now & I’m not sure how long she will go for that
.
Yes, sounds like you can relate to our never-dull life with four little kids. It’s always interesting, isn’t it? Thanks for checking out the blog.
I gotta say your wife is a smart one. But hey I think you did a great job with the youtr daughters hair. She looked like a princess!
Hilarious! This is great, and your little girl is a doll.
Thanks, Kathleen. I really enjoyed your Pressed post yesterday, by the way.
Definitely feel your pain on this one. It took me about 3 years to finally master only one hairdo on Brinley…the single pony tail with hair pulled back tight. This normally takes Stacey 30 seconds to do but my quickest time is about 8 minutes. Don’t understand how women hold the hair and put the pony tail holder in at the same time. Just when I was getting good at it Stace cut Brin’s hair and gave her bangs…I am screwed now. Maybe there is a class for dads on fixing your daughter’s hair. Take luck.
Yeah, the women look like calf ropers when they throw that hair in a ponytail. I always feel like I’m ripping the hair out, and apparently I am judging by Kyndal’s reaction. I like the idea of a class for dads. Thanks for reading, Nels.
ahaha!
funny lovely
your post
and your musthairpiece
Hey Chase:
I’ve got something for you over at my blog:
http://writerwoman61.wordpress.com/2010/09/10/handing-out-the-hardware/
Wendy
No girl can go wrong with blossoms in her hair….I made my son watch You Tube so he could learn to French Braid my hair–he is handy and I figured if You Tube could teach him advanced math it could surly show him how to French Braid. It did, he does, so consider some You Tube Tutorials and your daughter will be the envy of all her friends and indeed you will go to heaven someday. (I like your wife!)
“YouTube: Helping You Get to Heaven.” I wonder if they’ve considered that slogan? Catchy, I think. Thanks for reading and congrats on Wendy’s Bloody-ing of your blog. I look forward to checking it out.
Hey I love the flowers! Some day that picture (and memory) will be a total treasure for your lucky little girl. –Judy
Thanks, Judy.
At least you tried
My mom still tells stories about when I was about 3 and she went to hospital to give birth to my brother. My dad didn’t brush my long hair at all. She was horrified when I went to visit a day or two later and had to pull herself up in the hospital bed to brush my hair.
Funny. Moms deliver, no matter the circumstances.